Mothers and Fathers

As my husband and I approach the teenage years with our children the more we are starting to hear things like, "I wish I had different parents!" and, "Why can't you be more like me?" or, "If you weren't my parents I don't think I would ever have anything to say to you as regular people."...ooook.  I know this will only get worse, and if it will be anything like how I was as a teen it will be MUCH worse.  Looking back I can see that (at times) I was a pure brat.  My hope is, and I do believe this is normal for a lot of people, that when they reach their twenties and begin living life on their own perspectives will change and physically (brain growth, hormones, etc.) things will begin to even out and altogether turning our children into well rounded young adults.  This is when they will start to appreciate us again, as I did my parents.

I found this song by Broods, Mother and Father, exemplifying exactly this.  I think it is beautifully written and performed.  It gives me a sense of hope and forgiveness.

How Can I Get My Daughter to Read?

I can remember back when I hated to read; it was in the third grade when things started to change for me.  The turning point?  I actually finished reading an entire book - Henry and the Paper Route by Beverly Cleary.  The story itself was not as memorable, but I remember the satisfaction I felt when I had, for the first time, read the last page and closed a book from its back.  Then there was the feeling of, 'now what?'  I was left with such a sense of accomplishment that I felt I could read any book and therefore: GO anywhere, DO anything, and BE anyone.

I went up to the smartest girl in the class and asked her what she was reading.  She too had just finished a book and was willing to let me borrow it until the bookmobile arrived at school the following week.  After a quick shuffle through her desk she pulled out a hardback at least three times the size of Cleary's Henry.  I was mortified and even more so when she asked what I had finished reading, searching for a fair swap.  Before answering I backed out of the deal, telling her I wouldn't be able to read her book before it was due back.  Her reply, "Are you sure?  I had it done in three days."  I remember this specifically because it took me almost three weeks to finish Henry.  Before I thought I only hated reading, but now I knew I was bad at it too.  It was another two years until I decided to try and finish another book again.

Unfortunately my daughter seems to have been plagued with the same fate, despite my efforts to intervene.  Every year a teacher would tell us that she was either one or two grade levels behind in reading, but not to worry about it....just keep her reading.  This turned out to be the ultimate challenge.  As part of homework she was required to read 20 to 30 minutes depending on the teacher. She would regularly spend double that amount of time fighting me, desperate to find a way not to read at all.  Someone listening in would think I was beating her with the book rather than coaxing her into reading it.  The tantrums became part of our nightly routine and her loathing for books only deepened.

We did have her tested to ensure there was not a more mechanical issue keeping her from the enjoying the ample range of stories I had presented to her.  (This was also something required for her to qualify for a 504 plan as the diagnosis of PANDAS and anxiety were not enough to satisfy the school.)  All of the testing supported her mind's ability to see and interpret words within a range that did not require intervention.

This year in the 7th grade instead of having a teacher evaluate their reading level one on one, each student took a computerized assessment and at the end immediately received their own results.  At the beginning of the school year our daughter was at a 5th grade 7 month level.  She just took it again and was at a 5th grade 3 month level.  Her interpretation?  Not only does she hate reading, but she is bad at it too.

I have shared with her my love and hate history with reading, and expressed how it truly does take practice - just like anything else - and the more she reads the more she will enjoy it.  We have made numerous trips to the library exploring different genres and topics.  Checking out multiple books at a time she will make it one chapter in and give up - deciding the book is boring.  Recently, I came across an article about a dad with a similar issue with his 2 boys, and his answer was to write a story starring his sons. This is going to be my next attempt.  At age 12, my daughter is naturally self involved and if this is going to work now will be the time.   I am hoping it will be like how she is more likely to eat a vegetable if she planted the seed, watered it, and watched it grow and flower into a zucchini.

I will keep you posted on the progress.  In the meantime if you have any suggestions please let me know!  elizabethgibbs.author@gmail.com