Getting My Daughter to Read (cont'd)

Following up from a previous post, How Can I Get My Daughter to Read?, I wanted to announce that we have made some progress in regards to Dora's story.  First of all, she is on board with me creating a fictional character pulled from my ideas and observations of her...as long as she ends up being the most written about. :)

I know there are many directions I can take the novel, since she has already been exposed to an array of topics in her twelve years.  Some of the issues she has faced most of us will never have to deal with, like having an alcoholic (biological) father and a chronically ill mother, or the fact that she has PANDAS and has experienced the mental torment of OCD and incessant anxiety.  However I also think the difference in what she witnesses on a daily basis in school compared to what I did would be a wonderful story to tell as well.

When choosing where to buy a home it was important to my husband and I that we be in a school district and neighborhood where there would be a diverse group of kids.  I grew up sheltered by the walls of a parochial school in a small town, leaving the number of non-Caucasian students limited to what I could count on one hand, so I promised myself that when I had children they would have a different experience.  My daughter has grown up among a  fairly even mix of Caucasian, Hispanic, and African American - including a concentration of Somali American students, whose families began migrating to our area of Ohio approximately 13 years ago.

I am surprised by how things are changing among these students as they get older, especially once they hit middle school.  In the beginning...kindergarten, first grade, pretty much all of elementary school, everyone played with everyone.  The kids did not segregate themselves by race.  There was still a popular crowd and there were loners, but the cliques would be mixed.  Through the 6th and 7th grade I have watched this change drastically as each race seems to pull together by a strong but invisible force.

I understand how this may happen as a way to make life easier.  Hanging out with other people who follow the same diet if you are Muslim, or being friends with someone else whose parents only speak Spanish.  What my daughter doesn't understand, and I am at a loss when trying to find an explanation for her, is why and when do they begin to bully each other?  She witnesses multiple fights a week. Fist fights.  And the surprising thing (to me anyway) is that they are mostly girls.  When we would have girls 'fight' in our school it was more like one clique not talking to another for a couple days and then all would be right in the world.  These girls get suspended for days at a time only to return with even more anger.

One thing I do know is true, and this is what I try and explain to her, is that there are plenty of adults that do not take the time to learn about and therefore understand and respect other cultures.  I know this because I work with adults and see this regularly and have even at times seen adults be bullied - specifically those of the Somali American population - which is infuriating....and then I think "Our kids probably go to school together".

So back to the novel (I know this post is getting a little long winded but this is a hot topic for me) it will be set in high school, probably sophomore year.  One girl with mental health issues (OCD/PANDAS) who obsesses about doing the right thing (cannot tell lies, etc.), befriends another girl who is being bullied because she is Somali American, but has to approach her in secret and keep their friendship secret.  If the rest of the school knew they would both be outcast from the groups of friends they each had already.  And of course together (in secret) they do wonderfully heroic things to keep bullies out of their lives - and others they know to be victims.  I want to concentrate on showing the Somolian culture to the reader, along with the struggles that OCD brings to a young girl's life.

How Can I Get My Daughter to Read?

I can remember back when I hated to read; it was in the third grade when things started to change for me.  The turning point?  I actually finished reading an entire book - Henry and the Paper Route by Beverly Cleary.  The story itself was not as memorable, but I remember the satisfaction I felt when I had, for the first time, read the last page and closed a book from its back.  Then there was the feeling of, 'now what?'  I was left with such a sense of accomplishment that I felt I could read any book and therefore: GO anywhere, DO anything, and BE anyone.

I went up to the smartest girl in the class and asked her what she was reading.  She too had just finished a book and was willing to let me borrow it until the bookmobile arrived at school the following week.  After a quick shuffle through her desk she pulled out a hardback at least three times the size of Cleary's Henry.  I was mortified and even more so when she asked what I had finished reading, searching for a fair swap.  Before answering I backed out of the deal, telling her I wouldn't be able to read her book before it was due back.  Her reply, "Are you sure?  I had it done in three days."  I remember this specifically because it took me almost three weeks to finish Henry.  Before I thought I only hated reading, but now I knew I was bad at it too.  It was another two years until I decided to try and finish another book again.

Unfortunately my daughter seems to have been plagued with the same fate, despite my efforts to intervene.  Every year a teacher would tell us that she was either one or two grade levels behind in reading, but not to worry about it....just keep her reading.  This turned out to be the ultimate challenge.  As part of homework she was required to read 20 to 30 minutes depending on the teacher. She would regularly spend double that amount of time fighting me, desperate to find a way not to read at all.  Someone listening in would think I was beating her with the book rather than coaxing her into reading it.  The tantrums became part of our nightly routine and her loathing for books only deepened.

We did have her tested to ensure there was not a more mechanical issue keeping her from the enjoying the ample range of stories I had presented to her.  (This was also something required for her to qualify for a 504 plan as the diagnosis of PANDAS and anxiety were not enough to satisfy the school.)  All of the testing supported her mind's ability to see and interpret words within a range that did not require intervention.

This year in the 7th grade instead of having a teacher evaluate their reading level one on one, each student took a computerized assessment and at the end immediately received their own results.  At the beginning of the school year our daughter was at a 5th grade 7 month level.  She just took it again and was at a 5th grade 3 month level.  Her interpretation?  Not only does she hate reading, but she is bad at it too.

I have shared with her my love and hate history with reading, and expressed how it truly does take practice - just like anything else - and the more she reads the more she will enjoy it.  We have made numerous trips to the library exploring different genres and topics.  Checking out multiple books at a time she will make it one chapter in and give up - deciding the book is boring.  Recently, I came across an article about a dad with a similar issue with his 2 boys, and his answer was to write a story starring his sons. This is going to be my next attempt.  At age 12, my daughter is naturally self involved and if this is going to work now will be the time.   I am hoping it will be like how she is more likely to eat a vegetable if she planted the seed, watered it, and watched it grow and flower into a zucchini.

I will keep you posted on the progress.  In the meantime if you have any suggestions please let me know!  elizabethgibbs.author@gmail.com

Fur Baby Therapy

We decided to get our yorkie Willow as a therapy dog for our
PANDAS daughter when she was struggling with reading.
Months later my husband and I realized how much therapy
we each ended up receiving from her as well .... comfort, a
reason to make us exercise together, and tons of comic relief.
Here is a link to a great article I found about the first therapy
dog (also a yorkie!) ....  Therapy Dogs Change Lives.

We recently rescued another fur baby...Piper!  This way I won't
 get as jealous when Willow wants to snuggle with someone else. :)