One Good Friend

I have always told my daughter that all she needs is one good friend to survive school with minimal damage.  Making new friends in the fifth grade is not effortless for most kids, but for a PANDAS child it can be even more challenging.  When she was in elementary school Dora made 'surface' friends, as I like to think of them, who she could play with contentedly without either really needing to know much about the other.  As she gets older and her roots of individuality stretch deeper, her friendships too are becoming more personal.

There were a few of the surface friends that avoided her after encountering the PANDAS layer.  Either they did not care to understand her situation or maybe they even feared it.  One thing we did learn along the way was to not let a friend learn about PANDAS during an episode...it is much better to discuss it before that happens.  For example, Dora had a friend spend the night for the first time last year.  Of course she was super excited, but I was afraid of how the changes in her routine might cause her to react.  We discussed how she would handle any anxiety that would arise and since this was a friend that she had known for awhile, I was feeling adequately prepared.

She made it through skipping the nighttime rituals without concern; the next morning however was a different story.  Her normal routine was fully derailed which was too much for her to manage.  She ended up with a full blown tantrum that lasted close to an hour while her friend watched in uncomfortable silence.  It was so hard for me to know what to do....I felt deeply for both of them.  Slowly this girl became less and less of a friend to the point where now the two of them barely speak at all.

It took a few long months but thankfully Dora made a new friend this school year who has stayed over several times now.  The first time she was at our house we discussed PANDAS and how it can cause Dora to behave differently.  It was not until last weekend that she witnessed this first hand.  The two girls were using some paint in Dora's room to work on a project together and a few drops ended up on the carpet throwing  her OCD out of control.  I heard the commotion, quickly went to investigate and found Dora on the floor in the bathroom sobbing and scratching deeply into the skin on her legs.  Her friend helped me clean up the droplets, work to calm Dora down, and went on the rest of the day as if nothing had happened.

Relationships are always a risk at any age, and will come and go throughout our lifetimes.  So even though this friend may be in our lives for only a year or two, depending on which direction each girl goes, I will always be forever grateful that Dora had one good friend during this challenging time in her life.